On Authenticity
Naming Emotions Before They Are Known
Men are emotionally paralyzed - stuck somewhere between saying nothing and saying something inauthentic and out of integrity. Neither are what we want. What we want is to show up as our authentic selves. We want to be real and get real and be accepted for who we truly are - the good, the bad and the ugly. Our shame, fear of rejection, and negative self-talk keep us “locked up” - strictly prohibited from forming genuine connection and relationships that only our authentic selves can co-create.
There is a way out.
No - there is a way through.
Men, we must find our way through, and soon. Avoidance is costing us dearly, and the time for drastic action is now.
Among other things to be discussed, it is critical to remember that emotions can be named before they are known. Men have a strong tendency to refrain from naming and sharing a feeling until it can be described thoroughly, succinctly, and accurately. We want to be able to explain it and justify it before it ever sees the light of day. The problem therein is that we often wait until it is too late. By the time we feel ready to speak any kind of truth, our relationships have been muddied by silence or dishonesty.
Emotions can be named before they are known.
Critical to the way through is naming and sharing an emotion or feeling regardless of whether you yet fully understand it. Just yesterday, I shared with the men in my men’s group that I am “pretty upset with the group as a whole, and I need time to process it before sharing.” And I left it at that for now. Sending the text was difficult (it sucked) but saying nothing would have meant abandoning both myself and relationships I’ve invested in heavily and care about deeply.
Sharing honors your authenticity by acknowledging an emotion that is influencing your actions. Acknowledging signals to others that though you are wrestling with something, you have not disappeared. Sometimes - often - simply communicating a feeling allows time and space for both processing and respecting those that might otherwise believe you have abandoned them.
Your Call to Action
When things get uncomfortable, your default is to either retreat into silence or respond with something safe and largely or entirely untrue. You’ve convinced yourself this works every time, but deep down you know the veil is starting to fall. Your “tried and true” approach is failing you and costing you more than you’ve realized. You want to change. You want to speak up, be truthful, and assert yourself as genuinely as possible. And you know you could use a hand.
www.artdickinsoncoaching.com
Keep going man. We all need this.